Here are the titbits of This Past Week.
Last seven days were all about challenging what we think we can or cannot do.
Flipping Limiting Beliefs
Robert Merton, the founding father of modern sociology developed a concept of ‘Self-fulling prophecy’ (1948) describing that when you believe in something, whether it’s true or false, you act as if it’s true and your actions help make it true. If there are areas of your life where you currently feel stuck write them down, challenge them and then do the opposite. For example, you might have avoided opportunities at work because you believe you are not a leadership material. But if you believed you were indeed a leader, what would you do differently?
A Power of ‘I’m Not There, Yet’
Another way to avoid feeling stuck is to challenge the status quo. Research on fixed versus growth mindset (Carol S. Dweck) teaches us that human intelligence is malleable: you can move from “my abilities are largely fixed” to “my abilities can be developed”. When you say “I haven’t solved this problem and add – yet, you move from ‘I am the problem’ to ‘I have a problem’ that can be solved. You move from focusing on the final destination to what you can do in the moment. You let go of feeling powerless to having agency.
Make Your Inner Critic A Friend
Whenever you hear the inner voice stopping you from what you want to do, recognise that you have been triggered – by self-doubt, criticism, setbacks etc. This inner critic has a persona on its own and deserves a name – perhaps a name of someone you don’t like and don’t want to be (Nancy?). This inner critic is there to protect you so don’t suppress it. It usually shows up when you want to do something new and important. When it does, acknowledge it, listen to it and then talk to it about why what you are doing is important to you.
Corporate Dressing is Really Changing
It feels like ‘the suit’ is dead. Conservative styling and strict office dress codes are gone. But the sensitivity around what is right or appropriate to wear still remains. In many industries and cities (every city has it’s own vibe) dressing style has moved from business formal to business casual or just – casual. Wherever your work takes you the ‘safest’ is to always look polished and bet on a tailored blazer, dark jeans and a white top/blouse. And pay attention to your shoes – they can transform your look to more elegant (flat, pointed) or to more sporty (sneakers).
How To See Your Job Differently
In the first half of our lives we do what society expects of us; we try to get a nice education, a nice job, build a nice home. Overall, just fit in. Then, something happens. Maybe you get to the top of the ladder only to ask yourself “now what?”. In these situations it helps to redefine your job as an act of service. If you are a tax attorney instead of saying “I do people’s taxes”, say “I make people feel safe”. If you are a marketing consultant instead of saying “I create strategies”, say “ I make companies be seen”.
If You Want Something More
We often equate change with difficulty and resistance and rightfully so. Things you don’t want or didn’t expect to happen, happen. But even a good kind of change – getting promoted, moving to a big city, having a child or moving in with your life partner requires effort, adjustment and time. More deeply, it requires you to reshape your identity and sometimes even reinvent yourself. Therefore, you can sometimes avoid even a good kind of change. If that happens, remind yourself that there is no progress without change. And if there ever was a measure of happiness, it’s how open you are to change.
Fulfilled individuals, fulfilled relationships
A relationship coach Jillian Turecki coined the term micro cheating referring to indirect, unassuming ways people cheat on each other without having bad intentions (aka flirting). Though this term is about relationships, every relationship starts with ourselves (if you have ever tried, you know you can’t change other people). If you could fill up ‘your cup’ just for a millimetre this weekend, what would you do?
What has changed for you this past week?
Write to welcome@standoutjane.com and share the changes and aspirations from your own life and work.
Bon Weekend.
Image: Alamy, Rosamund Pike and Ryan Gosling in Fracture, 2007.