Confidence Level 1: Performance
Have you ever walked into a meeting, done your best, impressed everyone — and then left the room full of doubt?
You looked confident. You sounded confident. Others may have experienced you as composed, articulate and capable. Yet inside, you were questioning yourself.
This is the first level of confidence: performance.
There is nothing wrong with it. How we show up matters. The way we speak, dress, carry ourselves and communicate our ideas tells the world:
This is who I am. This is what I can do. This is what you can expect from me.
It is part of executive presence. It opens doors. It allows others to trust our capability. But it doesn’t always translate into inner confidence.
During a public conversation with Christine Lagarde, a young woman was asked whether she aspired to reach a top leadership role. She answered cautiously: “Sure, why not, if I have the opportunity.” Lagarde immediately encouraged her to say it again – with more conviction.
The lesson was simple: do not minimise your ambition while waiting for someone else to recognise it.
Say what you want. Stand behind what you bring. Let your presence match your potential.
But performance is not the whole of confidence. You can appear highly capable and still feel uncertain inside.
Confidence Level 2: The Inner Game
The second level of confidence is less visible to others and intimate to you. It’s a deeper sense of confidence.
You may still question yourself, feel insecure or wonder whether you are ready but trust yourself enough to keep moving. It sounds like this:
I may not know exactly how this will unfold, but I trust I can handle it.
I may not be perfect, but I am capable of learning.
I may feel uncomfortable, but discomfort is not a reason to quit.
This kind of confidence begins when you stop treating every weakness as evidence that you are inadequate. When you accept both your strengths and your imperfections, you reduce the pressure to constantly prove your worth.
It grows when you act before you feel completely ready.
A new job, a new relationship, a more visible role — these can all make you feel uncertain, not because they are wrong for you, but because they ask you to grow into the role. Just remember that your starting point is good (enough), otherwise you wouldn’t be there.
Also, focus on what you can influence. Let go of other people’s responsibilities and opinions.
Confidence Level 2,5: Love
The third level of confidence may be the one we speak about least, because it isn’t obvious – confidence that comes through love.
At a public conversation in Amsterdam (October, 2025), Christine Lagarde offered advice that seemed unexpected from the president of a central bank:
“Rely on love. Give love, receive love. It will build your confidence and it will give confidence to others.”
We often imagine confidence as a solitary achievement — something we build through discipline, competence and personal courage alone.
But many of the risks we take are possible because someone believes in us. Because someone encourages us. Because we are loved well enough to trust that we can leave the familiar and try something new.
Confidence does not grow only from proving that you can do everything alone. It also grows from knowing that you do not have to.
Who are the people in your life who make you feel braver?
A New Layer of Confidence – The Future You [Thursday 29-05-2036]
Most of us are so focused on the immediate — the meeting, the deadline, the problem in front of us — that we never give ourselves permission to see further. To ask: what do I actually want?
Ten years from now, it’s a Thursday evening 29th of May, 2036.
Where are you living? Who is beside you? What does your home feel like? What kind of work fills your days? What conversations and rituals give your life meaning?
Most importantly: how does it feel to be you?
Write about it. In as much detail as you can. Do not start with practicalities and probabilities. Suspend the disbelief. Do not immediately ask how you will get there. Allow yourself to see what you want.
This exercise was originally inspired by the designer Milton Glaser, who asked his students to imagine the life they could have if they were not restrained by fear of failure. Designer and educator Debbie Millman later made a ten-year version of it widely known.
I want to offer you a different frame for it.
This is not a planning exercise. It is a confidence exercise.
This Week’s Reset
Confidence begins with how you show up.
It deepens through the trust you build within yourself.
It grows stronger through the love you give and receive.
This week, ask yourself:
Where am I waiting for confidence, when what I really need is one brave next step?
I’d love to hear what is shifting in your life and work.
Write to: welcome@standoutjane.com
I read every reply. Send me yours.
Bon weekend.